Carefree, Unbothered, Distressed

To avoid distress, do not fixate; to avoid fixating, do not care. Ideally, do not care at all; even if you do care, do not fixate. The path to distress begins with caring and continues with fixation. We must not care about certain things and must ignore them, so as to prevent the emergence of problems that could lead to distress. Even if problems have already arisen, to stop them from worsening, we must again refuse to care and refuse to fixate. In this way, we take the first step toward liberation.

So what should we not care about?

We can find the answer to this question by observing the lives of those who have made mistakes and gained experience, by listening to them and watching them. In this way, we can see what we must avoid to prevent such errors from occurring. We examine the root cause of negative situations, identify the reason, and then distance ourselves from it. If we have already become entangled, we immediately try to disengage; if that is not possible, we reduce its impact and endure it—but in every case, we have already taken the necessary steps to prevent escalation. In this manner, we avoid problems that would otherwise exhaust and wear us down over many years. Otherwise, like some people, we will spend years—perhaps a large part of our lives—struggling with problems that originated in our own mistakes and grew over time.

The issue I particularly wish to address under this heading is the causes of mental distress. I mean to discuss how to prevent the emergence of problems that erode us mentally and emotionally. Therefore, let us consider some concrete examples. One of the underlying causes of psychological problems is perfectionism. Perfectionism is a source of trouble that can later develop into a pathological condition. This attitude transforms the pursuit of excellence into an obsession with flawlessness, pushing a person into compulsive behavior. When tasks do not meet the ideal standard, the person becomes exhausted and worn down. Ultimately, they may choose to do nothing at all, adopting the mindset of “all or nothing.”

Another cause, as mentioned, is obsession. Giving excessive importance to minor tasks, constructing elaborate mental scenarios unnecessarily, and fixating on matters that should not be dwelled upon may initially feel satisfying. After all, at first, some tasks seem effortless; even small ones bring a sense of accomplishment as they are completed. But as the number of such behaviors increases and attention becomes absorbed in minute details, the situation becomes overwhelming. The person becomes drained and worn down by unnecessary actions and thoughts. Over time, if this pattern develops into an addiction, one begins to struggle for years with the consequences of accumulated errors. In summary, the core problem in such cases is a problem that arises and grows from doing something abnormally or thinking about something abnormally. In essence, we punish ourselves for actions that go beyond what is necessary. The solution, however, is very simple: do what is necessary, as it should be done, and then let it go.

Let me conclude this discussion with a few more concrete examples of non-caring. For instance, we must not care about unwanted, negative, pessimistic, ugly, or harmful thoughts that enter the mind. We can take steps to prevent them from arising, but we must not fixate on the thoughts themselves or on the steps we take to eliminate them. We must act and move on without fixation. The same applies to external voices. We must not fixate on words spoken to us that we do not wish to hear. We listen, evaluate, identify the necessary steps, and take them—but we do not fixate on the situation that prompted those steps, nor on what we did while implementing them. We simply strive to fulfill our responsibilities and continue without fixation. Even if things go as desired, or even if they go awry in a thousand ways, we always identify what must be done, attempt to do it, accept the outcome as sufficient, continue forward, and find peace. If you ask what happens if we do fixate, I say: we become distressed. We restrain ourselves from properly valuing and using our abilities and talents, from doing what we are capable of, and from living what we are meant to live.

Image of a Man Living Comfortably (Generated by Artificial Intelligence)

Finally, do not care about events and circumstances that pull you back and drive you toward negative thoughts. Do not fixate. Do not become distressed. Live your life.