To Believe and To Hurt

Existence is a whole continuum of processes encompassing rebirths, declines, fluctuations, and stillness—a continuous sequence stretching from the moment we truly come alive in this life until the day our bodies are veiled by the curtain of “death.”

Existential anxiety, pain, or struggle reveals to us the illusion that we will experience this existence only once. Yet the journey of existence, which begins on the day we were brought into being, continually reminds us of its warmth whenever we begin to discover ourselves, whenever we move away from ourselves, and whenever we draw closer to ourselves. This warmth sometimes takes root in our souls as anxiety, sometimes as courage. The human being who convinces or satisfies himself with what he sees or feels strives with the pain within his soul as if experiencing this warmth for the first time each time he feels it. Perhaps this very striving is the most sincere bond that ties us to life.

First, a baby explores the world around him; then, a child begins to discover himself, learning the distinctions of “I” and “you”; later, an adolescent confronts his own truths. As a being who from the moment of his existence has laid the foundation for self-recognition, humanity draws nearer to its essence and, in doing so, draws nearer to the vast cosmos. Instead of confining its pain within its small body, it comes to know the planets, stars, clouds, seeds, flowers, and other human beings that burst with existential anguish across this boundless universe. This closeness and recognition open the door to the union of essence and form, of the Creator and the created. This union is perhaps the most miraculous moment of the existential process—the moment closest to its culmination.

Time within time, humanity within the cosmos, and the inner world within humanity are the nearest and most accessible links in the great chain of being. What else is the awareness of one’s existence through the pain within, if not the authentic formula of existence? The great within the small, the beginning within the ending, the value realized through pain—these must originally be integral parts of the life granted at the outset.

Thus, the pain expressed by Yunus Emre—“To call me ‘me’ within me is to find me not within me / There is a me within me, deeper than the me I know”—is profoundly familiar and close.^【1】 Likewise, the Divine Hadith’s declaration—“I was a hidden treasure, and I wished to be known; thus I created creation”—^【2】 serves as a sign that the journey of existence is crowned with a supreme mystery.

For the human being who interprets his pain through the trace of being within his soul, existence is an ongoing process that, with every moment, infuses life with meaning through this cycle of existence.